Sunday, December 28, 2008

Sullenness.. And Pantaloonies!

I wear a patch.

As to properly hold myself back from releasing into an uncertain emotional breakthrough.

I am actually still nervous, and always there are subtle signs of warnings, as if one planted before a cliff of negative uncertainty, but yet, certainly one of constricted breathing and fatalism, overriding my somnolent, drugged astral atmosphere, like the blue screen of death.

Oh the god of murdor, he is fatal in his judgement, yet so is death. Like a double-edged weapon. Quite sharp - not dense really.

While they still think this sullenness I resort into is my constant resentment, I am not actually there, but they are happy to know I am atleast somewhere miserable, so they can safely dish out their hungry ego, that for a moment of need for satisfaction, becomes relentless, and surprising as it may seem, I come to admit I was one of them as well, just a while ago, but a long while ago.

Now I am supposedly this saviour of, atleast mine self. Like a wielder of two exotic-looking swords, that shine brightly in it's heroic flavour. That is meant for heroic proportions as well.

But I'm more of an anti-hero.

I just seem quite nice, as if I -'never'ad'- resided in the darkness that dwells within any man and woman, which unfortunately(?), I have been residing in for almost my entire life.

How can they see such good in me when I am wearing an utterly pitch-black thrilling shadow?

Are they trying to coax the coaxer?

If it could affect me, there's the smallest possibility of being inflicted the good old gash of the pig-sticker?
Perhaps making me ill again?

Can the seemingly indomitable be dominated through certain patterns of hardcore flattery if but my crack is left out even just a little to peek at the outside voyeur beyond the restricted underworld of pantaloons?

The 'ole Path

Ahh, the old path.
The path that leads to those old trails.
Of mine own identity.
There are plenty.
In fact.
I'm not the one I think I am.
I'm the other person.
The one that is not actually here.
But he resides.
Deep within.
I know it.
I have acknowledged his presence.

But he was always here.
Just not.
In my current awareness.
Or never ever in my life.
Until now ofcourse.
Now that things are where it is.
As I have revealed what is beneath the theatrical carpet.
The one of illusion.
The one we often are entrapped in.
Get entangled in.
And losing our ability.
To remain present.
We think the mind is the master.
When in fact.
Nothing is.
I just reside, in this vehicle, temporarily divided.
But once realised, united.
I am, one, or two. And nothing.
But what I know, is.
That I know nothing.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

YouTube Comments And General Randomness

"Nn-yess. The subtle pre-meditated innocence containing of random cleavage and general 'fan service', and the humorous laid back slapstick used to cover it all up makes for a good video release. Why not go for the higher ups of 'viewed' by dressing up as a Japanese school-girl in it's proper outfit? I certainly know I would comment. *warm smile* With the apparent sudden and random need to utilise my infamous one-handed writing skills. *whole face morphs into that of the cheesy one, looking half greedy, half perverted*"


"There is always someone more miserable than you that wants you to share in their pain."


"A bit of wisdom there, for one so young it is quite fascinating to hear, what you say, how easily you can make choices and find healthier living. Eating several times per day makes your digestive system busy and it can actually be demanding on the body, so eating less, slowing down the mind, living, experiencing, simple living, that's natural living. It's a more stable kind of living. More stable state of mind. It's the place you should be in if you want to feel as if you're actually living. I know it's harsh. We, as one, need a wake up call though. We're far off in materialistic idiocy, waste of time and human life.. That's my two cents."

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Weird Experience Yesterday, Hard to Explain (Lateral Thinking?)

There's this meditation technique Alistair Crowley learned where one is supposed to sit down quietly without distractions and ask yourself questions and answer intuitively-like, from your understanding.

Series of questions conjure forth upon insufficient depth of your answers and your mind attempts to go deeper to find the next series of answers, until you need to go deeper and deeper in order to even find an explanation. Once you're really quite deep your intuitive 'mind' dominates, (I think) and you find all manner of weird patterns of approach and thinking in order to solve a 'riddle', one at a time, then another becomes solved because of the previous riddle solved, and then a chain of 'mystery' can be revealed, thus giving you small insights. As if small enlightenments.

I'll try to make some, (abstract) examples, because I find it difficult to explain properly.

The form of lateral thinking yesterday, (a little surprising way of thinking for me, haven't done it very much as I can recall atleast) was able to pour me with small illuminations of insights, and gave me a feeling of absolute certainty, (intuitive certainty).

1. What am I doing here, in this dark space?

2. Why am I even trying to figure out what I am doing, isn't doing just doing something?

3. If I don't figure out the purpose, how can it serve as a purpose, and why would I do it then?

4. My mind seems to be irritated by the fact that I am not able to mentally explain the meaning of my conduct.

5. But. I am obviously still doing something regardless, whether I figure out precisely what, right? And it's specific purpose, right?

6. No and yes. I am confused. Is that a necessity for even becoming irritated, and with that irritation be able to realise that I am being deluded by a spell of maya (illusion) cast by my own rational mind?

7. Why would my own mind, that of my being, be creating confusion to seemingly annoy me?

8. The difference of contentment, I feel as of now, of the moment, certainly relies on my ability to ignore the fact that I am angry at my own creation, my mind's endless spells of illusions.

9. *I ignore it completely and questions stop coming.*

10. *I have travelled a bit deeper into myself without being aware of it, without monitoring it, it was a moment, but I did not consciously notice it.*

11. Was that a moment of meditation?

12. *Suddenly a whole lot of new questions conjure forth, at the same time previous questions are answered. I am certain that the questions before my unmonitored moment of 'meditation', that seemingly allowed me to enter deeper, was a necessity in a sense that they allowed me to become annoyed at my own thinking-patterns enough to completely decline them, thus realising the value of not being able to answer an illusive dilemma, nor monitoring anything at all. Just being the empty space of nothingness, until I notice what I have lain behind me.*

13. Perhaps the purpose is to experience the illusion of the mind. And the ecstasy of learning the value of simply letting go, which seemingly seems to be an art in itself for the deep thinker, in false beliefs that his/her own, (illusive mind; (of maya) will be able to answer the all-conjuring thoughts of no end. Perhaps it is a test of patience, that of also testing it and killing it, in order for him/her, to let go?

(14.) First Answer:
I realised now that. In everyday life, one cannot tolerate all things and still be content. In order to grow on things we need to utterly fail in every thing. Failing is like realising you are losing, and have finally lost. Then you have accepted it and are emotionally revitalised, by not denying the truth.

(15.) Second Answer:
The sayings like 'emotional purification', 'purification through suffering', 'purification on the cross', 'suffering is a means of purification' suddenly gets a whole new meaning..

(16.) Third Answer:
Suffering is a necessity sometimes, as a sometimes forced means of learning the rules of emotional purification. Suffering is also honesty, but denial of suffering is true suffering. That is the painful path indeed. The value of acceptance is immense, as it is a means to purification in several ways).

(This is perhaps not the best example of my yesterday Lateral thinking, but it was somewhat sufficient for now. Maybe I'll work on it later/some day/ or @@~--~just give up~--~@@ (lol)).

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Comment On How To Benefit From The Spritual Intellect By Knowing The Basics

J. I am simply too tired to explain any more at this current time. (I'm going to take a resty rest). But what you can do is search/look up;


and hopefully you'll be able to find your way there, just taking a quick overview, there will be many answers there for you to learn if you are open to it's knowledge.

Or I could try a real short one.


You know when you read a book..? Suddenly you arrest yourself of being very in-the-moment because maybe your ego came in-between and pulled you off the sentence of a longer context, and you have to read that whole large column of text again in order to understand the whole meaning of what you were about to understand. Right? Well, if your ego didn't come up at any time reading the book you would just be concentrating effortlessly, enjoying and getting to understand the larger context of the text on each page.


..That's a synchronising pattern, if you can do that, then the longer you can keep your mind fixed onto the original focal point, or shall we say, the task at hand, and that will in itself enable you to enter deeper, creating the longer and stronger patterns that narrows as you develop it (the pattern).

---Note; it's really the most difficult in the beginning, when your mind has yet to understand silence - and conjure up ideas and notions based on impatience caused by lack of discipline.---

--Noteworthy also; if you expect anything you might fail miserably, or you could be 'lucky'.--

-Sometimes reading about the more common spiritual scriptures can enable you to develop a spiritual non-egotistic intellect, and you'll have advantages, compared to before reading it, because you then have a certain spiritually adapted moral norm or approach that in itself is a beneficial tool of great knowledge for means of going directly inside, in the right manner for self-inquiry, in order to pass the guarded bridge, without having to swim the cold river, like I had to do (lol). Aka. the common mistakes that the noob usually makes.-

Best regards,
and good luck seeking and finding, for what you truly seek, you shall definitely find,

seeker Espen.

Double-Sarcastic Countering Reply To The Sarcastic

Inspiring.. Very encouraging speech.


Satirical fatalism isn't much more solitary than the benefit hypochondria grants the afflicted, in my view case.

Best regards though,
may you find what you are looking for in your soup or pudding, whether it be Jesus or post-enlightenment.


It's obviously better to stop using the brain in cases of tremendous worry... seemingly safer to close the eyes or eat some pudding, like mr. john, in order to gain illumination from the mere presence of the, served famous tri-shaped pudding.

A Letter To A Similar Soul-Being.

"I really got your posting on enlightenment. Whatever or wherever you are, I'm feeding into the same plane. The point you make on the transient nature of the awakened state is resonating: swimming upstream is such a good metaphor. And each time I come back, it's as if I'm a child again, yet a wiser, older, younger child. A key to the whole experience is knowing how to operate within perceived reality and not pushing the boundaries too far from people's ordinary understanding."


It warms my empty heart to know that someone understands it the same way I do. It is a relief to know you have experience from this as well. Thanks for commenting on my page, I really appreciate it.

I say empty heart because of the depth of the world I see now, and it seems like rooms have gotten bigger, generally things have gotten a bit more interesting, with the depth and all, in an all-changing way, depending on whether I practice a little or invest my whole day going harder and looking deeper, in search of discovering new layers.

I feel weird sometimes, as if something is unfolding before me, yet I do not know what it is yet, it may just be my intuition spotting certain things and collecting subtle things in my deeper subconsciousness. I have these weird feelings, and I suddenly feel at unease/unsafe sometimes, but most of all I feel the need to experience more, maybe I'm starting to get greedy.. the desire to find out more.. well.. Anyway, it's just so hollow and silent from my perceived little world..

Unfortunate it is that I don't have any friends who have such interests, like those dreamy, noisy, energy-spaces I almost feel 'trapped into' sometimes. I realise it's not permanent, but I'm going upstream no matter, I'm tired of living solely on the physical plane, even though it's even more lonely, (esp. if you don't have any friends who are accompanying you in that kinda mental state of mind/awareness, which I unfortunately don't have at the time being).

I'm going to see how far I can get without getting myself hurt. I've always been like that, I don't give up on what I believe in, no matter how hard it is.

I also noticed my goosebumps feel more like a massive surge of energy rising within my body, the more i practice pranayama, the more intense/real it surfaces. And I find myself being able to control it to some places, but I try to just let it flow wherever it wants to go. It's usually from the base of the spine (around tail bone I'm thinking, and growing as it surges upwards, filling my whole inner space, and going all the way up to the back of my head and releasing alot of electromagnetic energy/waves. And it's really easy to see my own auric waves then, I can also compare it with other's energy, I can read their aura after I meditated and find out if they are telling the truth, or I sense something is wrong with their pranic contour around their body/their electromagnetic waves.


"You are a natural teacher and communicator Eldnord."


I don't know about that, as of yet, I am still figuring things out. Although I feel I'm starting to get the whole image of myself proper, increased sense of identity etc. I'm starting to think that there's not much else to search for inside of my inner space, it only gets bigger, and I feel more detached from the physical life with my family etc. they might not perceive me as I perceive myself, since I have an understanding of why I am who I am and my reasons for acting the way I am at times.

From now on I'm going to focus on making personal achievements that are non-selfish. I think we're all one, once the ego is safely isolated from interrupting the natural cycle of things, but yes, I actually have had a need to teach away what I already know to someone who's actually interested about spirituality. So far people have taken distance, because they think it's an extreme belief, but they haven't seen the other side of the coin either, so they can't believe in what they can't yet see. Maybe I shouldn't waste my time on telling about my inner deepest thoughts.. they are probably surreal to most people. What I found out here was that everyone was so much more open and willing to question, instead of declining first-handedly.

Days feel like weeks, I am atleast certain I am oriented in the current moment, the now, and not thinking about tomorrow, or all things I have done wrong in the past. The now is equally important, or probably even more. Thoughts are still many, and they make things seem slow sometimes, but being in the current moment is pretty much necessary in order to manipulate time, and in order to correct the posture in concentration, toward meditation - when all of a sudden, you begin to flow effortlessly and time has temporarily withdrawn from the mind's sensory perception and we can reap the benefits of void, seemingly timeless space - instead of just having 'free time' with limited space.

This'll have to suffice for now.

Best regards,
seeker Espen.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Chakra Balancing Yoga Breathing Meditation

Again, Anmol Mehta teaching how to balance the Chakras using a Mudra suited for the Alternate Nostrol Breathing technique. (This is a very powerful technique, please take it seriously if you intend to practice it daily, as it will change your brain hemisphere activity and balance your Chakras, and it will even out all your energy throughout the whole body in order to cure imbalance).

Profound Yoga Breathing Exercise (Pranayama) to balance all the chakra points and awaken Kundalini Energy to flow through Shushumna Nadi (Central Psychic Channel).

YouTube: Breath of Fire Kundalini Yoga Breathing Exercise

Anmol Mehta, a Kundalini Yoga-teacher teaching Breath of Fire in three different ways, from easiest to more advanced method. Everyone, no matter age and health or weight can do the beginner's version of Breath of Fire and reap it's benefits. They are described below. My advice is listen well to the guy, if you wanna do it correctly and get the immediate benefits, otherwise you'll end up doing some other weird exercise, lol.

Key Kundalini Yoga Breathing Exercise with a huge list of benefits, including, opening energy pathways in the body, detoxifying the system, weight loss, vitality, relaxation in body and mind, and more.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Dedication To The Long Road Of Breath Mastery - Devouring Slumber Begone! (Poem)

the second of three children
the gloomy one
but i can see things!
through the looking glass
i see the shadows of man and woman
and even as seemingly elusive as i am..
still the only one revealing their dusk
exposing it upon the world

i spin fairytales
layers upon layers
patterns upon patterns
like a web of insight
i feel withered as i grow now
i feel lighter, smaller, but somehow big too
soon i will be tiny, and after that perhaps vanish
becoming more earthbound than ever
isolated completely!
yet more attuned than ever
to the ethereal and the stars

but first i must disappear into myself
to appear before my self
the long dedicated journey to breath mastery
to become the wind
to achieve nothingness
to cease existence
to awaken - as the newborn child enters the world
awakened, and now, protected from the devouring slumber
that once had me fooled to think i was too lazy to live!

Writings Of No End, And Brain Waves

Doctrinarian pseudo-energist susceptibly exposed and sometimes hypnotised by human things concerning their energy through inventive super-speculative extreme caution acquiring mental hyper-sensitivity resulting in benefits of third-eye searching eventually pathing to a rune-carved stone granting activation of the third eye harvesting the manifestation of psychic abilities continuing mindfully somatic - reeking of consummation of self-obsessive energy avoiding social relations in favour of neurotic self-centred narcissism leashed compassionately within moral laws of the lawless cosmic panorama one has the blind tendency to see,

or just a proclaimed hypersensitive.

The Secret.. Well, One Of Many (Poem)

the "better" people.
they know stuff.
about philosophy.
about meditation.
they know that part about concentration.
in order to detatch yourself from the material, static world.
and withdraw yourself.
in yourself.
to get aquainted with yourself.
and your senses.
your more subtle.
after knowing this.
hardly, they are "better" people.
just more knowledgeable.
in ways of life.
perhaps they just luckily stumbled across it.
and they keep it their secret.
not sharing with anyone.
because they want to feel special.
it would make any person ten times as attractive.
that is the secret.
one of MANY.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Over-Active Upper Energy Type In My Ajna Center And Sahasrara Center?

Ok, so according to various resources and forum talks I have an over active mental energy. Both my Ajna Chakra and Sahasrara Chakra are in great activity. (My amount of daily mental tasks and processes would explain that, I guess.) My active Sahasrara Chakra helped open my Ajna Chakra and they are both over-active now. That would explain my ache/headache and moderately pulling sensation becoming quite unpleasant at times. It's completely random, I have no control of it. According to the 'resources', I will have to endure it and for a very long time it seems, as I have opened certain recent pathways from Chakra centers which again open up new pathways for energic streams to surge through, which may be accompanied by pricking, stinging, cold, heat etc. type of sensations and notions. Nothing 'too' new I hope.

In a sense I suppose it is time for my ego to grow a bit then, since with all my new psychic abilities and all should allow me to feel omni-potent to a minor degree. It's interesting though, anyhow, since those Chakras are the most difficult to open and awaken. I'm guessing the others are already opened, except not my heart area very much. I'm not feeling very emotional of days. I'm more of a mental machine, thinking and having vivid experiences. Things have indeed gotten interesting since just a short while of a couple of months back, when I was less omni-potent.

Reminds me of my thoughts about the ego in the expanded level. As in the good healthy, developed ego. That of letting the ego mature into super-ego for means of acquiring rightful knowledge. That of taking pride in consuming knowledge and have good reason to be confident in your current interpretation and understanding of texts, and your little world. In fact, you'll even put pride in you own posture whilst reading. I guess what I'm trying to say is, just see yourself as a source that can obtain serious achievement through confidence and determination. On the contrary, the narrow-minded ego, the ego of selfishness and grandiosity is not necessarily a good placement at all when learning, neither when you're reading. It is more of the subtle super-ego I'm talking about, the ego in it's expanded sense, the 'above' ego called super-ego, that is becoming aware of how your own narrow type of ego can suppress your own ability to learn, communicate in a realistic, normative manner in order to understand some what is more important than yourself in a bigger scale kinda way. To play within the circle of society's norm, as not not become marked, frozen out, or even stigmatised by the players of the society's super-ego norm.

I do believe it's necessary to play these roles sometimes, because we are limited beings with limited understanding. We cannot understand every human being, that would be far too much to understand anyhow. So we invent and adapt to a larger scale of psychodrama that makes it easier to have a common connection and understanding as a whole.

Hopefully you'll not misunderstand super-ego as to something negative. Or even ego for that matter. Just the word in itself has the tendency to conjure up negative associations in some people's minds..

Concentration, On Fixed Gaze, Trance, And Atomic Plane Discovery

The path to enlightenment and the higher states of consciousness is actually the kind of fixed concentration that should be or become effortless after a while. After creating a synchronising pattern, you are fixing your mind on one-pointedness. That is actually the only means for entering trance-states as far as I've experienced.

Gazing for example can get you quickly into a state of blankness, there'd be negative image perception after a while, soon come ripples, the ripples become larger and move around.

This is the trance I'm talking about, it's done through fixed concentration on a certain point or object. You may also be able to enter into the layer above energy plane, called atom plane.

To know so you'd have to be able to see your own energy around you like particles, note, --oozing-- out of your limbs.

It's the highest consciousness and awareness I've been able to achieve so far, for the limited time of the intense meditation I had, which was quite mentally exhausting and I became weary. It was a discovery to find there was a level beyond energy plane to see for myself.

Rooms get a certain depth, it's far from empty, believe me, the atmosphere is there, some just don't see it before they start their meditative practices, etc.

I wonder if I'll be able to get atom level integrated into my near-future perceived reality. I've already gotten quite used to the energy plane integrated into physical plane, pranic auras are mostly viewable, but not the more subtle aura that goes way far out. I enjoy the thrill of just being around.. in various places. My life is gradually becoming more liquid-like, movements give fade-outs. Hopefully it's not a bad thing. Hopefully I'm not mad either.

I believe through concentration, eventually as it becomes of the effortless type, as it usually tends to become after the mind has been gagged, you'll be able to improve you awareness in a way that improves your ability to interact with the world around you. It works much like a temporary boost of consciousness. Concentration will eventually unfold to meditation, as long as you contain of and manage to maintain a one-pointedness. And that's when you will stop worrying about how often you should practice and be succumbed to practice in fascination of what strange, wondrous things shall happen to you over time..

(Your intuition may believe meditation is some sort of crack, which it is, to some extent, and you'll be pulled toward practising more and more, deeper and deeper. Going towards something.. You've yet to find out.)

HOWEVER: There is a thing to note here. Ahimsa (non-violence) toward how you treat yourself in all manner of approaches and walks. That includes treating yourself in a good way when you are experimenting with your own psyche in your discovery for your inner world. Also, I would say, never practice third eye meditation from a youtube video. I have done so and have often a moderate ache in my third eye area. It's like a pulling sensation and it can be quite dangerous for your psyche. I actually regret doing those practices since it often hurts when it's being active. It turns active at random times, I have little control of it. At first I thought it was a remarkable thing, but it is actually quite annoying. It's near painful at times. Besides guess how weird I feel. I dunno what the heck I've gotten into here, I'm actually a bit scared of my own mental health at this moment. So please take this as an advice, some meditation techniques and practices can and will be dangerous if not guided in a class by a good, experienced and qualified teacher!

(And yes, I'll be fine somehow. Cheers.)

Martyr Babble (Poem)

most humanoids seem reliable
not me ofcourse
i'm different
like everyone else
in some context or way
the reliable ones are safe
they are safely netted from falling down to sufferable states
which happens to be my spiritual domain, and general inhabitance
through the 'so called' drudgery of days

they call it something fearful
but they don't realise it's potential
they are not potent in this path, of introversion
their way never concerned the path
it is a rare one
i certainly am
and it is my personal spiritual domain
the downed state of being
with an overload of imagery to pick from
i am one that has become experienced in observation
although they can read me through if i let them
i do not wish it
it's my own state, and i will never allow illumination
it would reveal a vulnerable me
that the others could observe
a mind of a martyr
whom people could infuse their spirit onto
and dowse me with their personal consort
and cleanse me, and redeem me
as if i was sickeningly corrupted
so i can kneel down in repentance
and show gratitude as a newborn child
and lose my monochrome and dark state
replaced with the colours they spoke of
that become me as one of their newborn

but i never sought to delve into the general
or piss through the mainstream
and be the statist they heed us to stay as

you do not know who they are
but as with many things, i assure you
they exist
the ones who wish to leash us compassionately
but have intentions bolder and grander
than ancient rome, with it's grand colosseum

i create illusions
keeping everyone wondrous, scratching their head
they are not nostradamus
i am better off safe like this
so i can grasp their wondrous images of fuzzy confusion
and smile for a day or two, or maybe through the whole week
these are humans unlike me
sheeped and controlled by the man with the stave
who may oversee more than enough
than his moral values can allow
he or she, is just as corrupted
as the disease they believe i am afflicted by

but i am the human unlike them
and i do not wish to be cleansed or purified in a shrine

i accept that we only share existence
and it is enough for us to exist together
needless to communicate
for me
existing is more than enough
the 'so called' gift of life
or rather a curse

Master of The Elements (Poem)

dancing to the heartbeat
samurai sword swinging with the techniques he knows
slashing through the waterfall
the elements of the world, he learned them
sneaking through the invisible creaks of meta-physicism
levitating on air
and travelling the cosmos

Illogic Delusions Of Logics

if relevance is two, irrelevance is one
if irrelevance is obedience - obedience is enforced with punishment by the matron mother ov execution
if relevance is disobedience - disobedience is enforced with reward by the matron mother ov reward
if relevance is one, irrelevance is two
if relevance is obedience - obedience is enforced with reward by the father ov reward
if irrelevance is disobedience - disobedience is enforced with punishment by the father ov execution
if evil is outnumbered by good - evil is converted to good
if good is outnumbered by evil - good is converted to evil
if conversion is evil - religion is evil
if religion is evil and good - conversion is always evil

(event triggered; evil is true, good is false)
if evil is true, valid is relevant
if good is true, valid is irrelevant

evil is now percieved as good
good is percieved as evil

delusions that some religions create may seem contradictory, seen only if analysed and carefully broken down and studied. behind a carpet of lies there can be found truth, your truth, not theirs, their truth is a lie to you, your truth is a lie to them, because they are mystics of the fine art of projecting hypocrisy of fallacy

Harvest Festival (Poem)

pixies, crosses, fire-dance and apple-pie
the yearly quota of harvest delicately placed on tables
the bonfire crackles, occasionally conjuring forth rustic pipe-dreams of bold intrigue and jolly laughter
the festivities, they never cease
ebony-dressed women playfully arouse garmented men with seductive persuasiveness
they step inside the circled perimeter of crosses and undress each other, beginning the ritual of mating
and the harvest festival, hath already ended

Calmness (Poem)

easy is a state of mind
letting things come as natural
never bickering upon that which is a cantankerous
or forcing upon
if the mind is calm, the body is calm
and the being is calm
and everything is easy
force is unnecessary
calmness is ultimately the greatest strength
and life is indeed easy where need be

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Short On Ego (Poem)

Ego becomes bigger, like a blossoming.
As it gets it's nurture from the glorious rays of the sun it dries a tad, over time.
And it becomes used to the warmth of the sun.
It doesn't need as much nurture any more.
It is sun-dried and matured.
It is content with the overall well-being of just being the manifestation of love.
It becomes a vehicle of love and goodness.
And then it dissolves gradually, the flower has matured fully and is withering.
The ego is becoming unnecessary, for there is great joy in being the everlasting vehicle of pure love, of good intent.

All is goodness, for all that exists.
All is love, for all that exists.
All is one, and of love.
The ego has completely dissolved.

Don't Expect To Find Sense In A Dark Cove Of Incoming Mind-Raping Word-Salad Bats

Don't expect to find any sense, anywhere, really. While at this place ye be bound to my rules, of either extreme silliness, of utter black, (or white?) randomness, or of mild mind-violence, or sometimes all of them in a gravy of a word-salad with special nose picked croutons in it. And you'll mayhap spend a minute of disorientation creating a severe headache and creeping aggravation, eventually blossoming into the destructive character you may not want to be known as other than in the needy dark corner in your room where you've always been plotting evil with your more vicious thoughts of little holiness. More that of devil-worshipping! And good is that.

The Madness That Ensues Whilst Trying To Find Means Of Explaining Something.. Weird, I Think I Forgot... Ahh.. 'Floaters'

A stage in my meditation of internalising myself I began to see these, the deeper I internalised my consciousness the more I become aware of. My guess is they exist for all it's just that those who have not internalised their consciousness to a certain degree of internal perception will never notice them. So the deeper we go inside the more we can find of such things and we can go around any worry about these ridiculous things. Did you know, you only are aware of that which you are conscious off, so simply by worrying so much about this thing you can see more of it and make it worse. It's perfectly normal I assure you, it's just that through an internal consciousness you are bound to see inner things. Just like inner emotions, if you pay attention to them you become more sore and emotional. Those who don't see them most probably do not have an internalised perception.

================( o)

Let's make an example. (The above is the eye)

You see this is an eye. Even though the eye is all out there doesn't mean that we 'see' from directly the eye. If we gaze or focus on these particles we can actually use it as a tool to internalise ourselves to experience a deeper, inner world within. I can't believe you're making such a big fuzz about this, it's actually a sign of a deeper perception, you should be lucky you are internalised, it is a 'high quality' state of mind many could only dream of. It is a point of gaze and tool in introspection, nothing more. Stop worrying, we all have it, some are just less conscious off it and so will never notice it.

Our inner perception of consciousness is usually way deeper than from directly the eye. The eye is like a vortex, like a black hole, it's simply a lens, a filter. Even though we see, through the eye doesn't mean we see directly from the eye, our consciousness is usually from a deeper conscious state. The more we learn to meditate, internalise etc. we will experience an inner world that is actually the only natural state of being, it is pureness itself, because it takes us far away from the hustle and bustle of the exterior world outside ourselves. The material world.

Screaming Again (Poem)

to be as honest in acceptance of feeling good as with acceptance of feeling bad.
surrendering to the mindlessness, for the endless conjuration of mental chatter may never stop.
and the more they are allowed to shroud your consciousness, the more you will be deluded.
others will be fooled to think you are selfish, when in fact, you strive for selflessness, although they will never understand that.
and you shall suffer so much, needlessly, but you will not even see why anymore.
because you are too busy choking the fact that you are indeed suffering.. and suffering, like a tumour, it grows within the flesh, becoming larger and larger, until you have to scream, like a banshee.
somehow, miraculously, you feel relieved!
but you are certain that you will have to come back and scream again.
and again.
and again.

The World Beyond Our Regular Consciousness And Restricted Mind (Part Two)

I believe there is a deeper subconscious realm that is an integral world beyond what most people have seen and can even comprehend. In-between there are places (as there are layers of realms) of deep emotions, of emotional freedom of both pain and love, there are places we are exposed of our true self, our true natural state of being and behaving.

The only means for redemption may very well be self-inquiry through meditation directed toward our subconsciousness.

Even that is not enough to enter the dreamy haven of the true unseen world beyond! For there are still other lesser realms to distract you from the true purpose. Although fine realms, not the true haven beyond our limited mind. We are often tempted to stay there in moderate welfare and being.. of moderate pleasure. But it is not the place of unity of souls, it is in fact quite far from the absolute.

There are both dreamy, ethereal and tranquil havens, but when we finally wake up we forget our true nature and are restricted by the consciousness of the ego that spins false stories upon false notions of an impermanent reality of limited perception.

Other than meditation in waking life we find deeper places in our rest, ofcourse, we rarely remember anything of how it was like, no matter how good it was, even if our soul was indulged in unlimited pleasure! We can not go there.. not before we have purified ourselves through toning and cleansing our body and mind, not until we have resolved our knots (granthis) that block the subtle energy channels (nadis). When we are ready, we will be led, all will be effortless. You will be led toward the absolute.

The World Beyond Our Regular Consciousness And Restricted Mind (Part One)

My intuition have grasped onto occasional vivid glimpses from my slumbers in subconscious resting states. It conjures up things at random times whilst awake in my daily life when I am not distracted by the exterior, material realm. I realise that the perceived exterior realm is subjective in a sense that we can only see what we are. Some might consider pranayama meditation and bandha-exercise a self-empowering tool, in which we gradually discover what happens when the nervous system is strengthened for example, and the various effects pranayama can give. Random waves of heat, cold, electromagnetic sensations and what it's suspect notions in the body feels like.

Perhaps through discovering deep contemplative moments that sweep you away for only just a momentum.. you experience what it's like to be in mindlessness.. to just be the empty observer.. to be free for once..

Perhaps as you expand your consciousness, as you withdraw your senses inward, as you attune into the aspect of spiritual awareness you see things like familiar images, deja-vu, feelings of deepness and of curiosity, of great enthusiasm to find the best means for self-inquiry to travel inside, toward inner, integral consciousness, because you seem to have gotten the understanding through intuition that there is something far more interesting than the current exterior reality.


A simple exercise:

We can actually discover an inner world within. Is it really true you say? Inner world? How is that possible?

Sit in a comfortable position in some place comfortable so you are not distracted. Focus on being aware of your own breath, take slow, deep breaths, keep the texture and quality of breath the same, keep the same pace, inhale, exhale, 8 seconds inhale, 8 seconds exhalation.

Focus completely on the above instructions and if the mind falters (as it has the tendency to do all the time) bring it back. Once you are doing it effortlessly it means you are in the current moment, you are completely in the now.

To deepen the practice itself you should need to refine your breath and find means to refine and deepen your consciousness with it. The main point should only be the breath, if you can use it as a focal point to always bring you back on track, you'll eventually experience sensations of calmness, physical and mental relaxation and bliss and serenity. It's a good practice for stilling your mind back to point zero.


The point is that through rather simple exercises like this you can discover relaxation tools as a means for overall well-being, as well as tending yourself toward a positive, open-minded, emotional and integral consciousness and awareness. This is just an example of using the breath as a guide to work your way back to point zero, the effortless, relaxant state of being, where you have let go of the suffering the mind, the ego and the heart conjures up randomly at times to corrupt your soul and hold you down. Revolt!

The right path is always integral. Only through what we find deeper inside, may we become deeply fulfilled as a human emotional being. Emotions are always a pain, but the pain is a part of the purification process. It is there to deal with things in order for you to become more beautiful the next day you wake up. Only by going through pain may one say one is swimming upstream, and eventually become the most beautiful creature seen.

My Favorite Quote Findings

"Maybe they'll never ever in their lifelong endeavour as seekers hear the same as you hear in the whispering winds of nature. It's true, nature holds many a secret and behind many a tree mayhap a trail of forlorn wisdom to unseen adventure. That said, these secrets are most concealed by all manner tricks with seeming insane approaches of inquiry to find signs for means of going deeper in order to see the unseen and finding the final appendix as the end of the layer page. But truly deeper - none of us have gone, but are simply the necessary means for enquiring into the beyond world of vast unseen plains. Well, except for some very few individuals which would generally be considered insane by the sane. However, vaguely true, only correct to those sane enough to rely on the society's convenient set rules of the game of perceived life of non-existent individual meaningfulness. Only a cyborg would rely on outside rules, and spend enough time to be the sheep of set rules. The insane would be long gone, lost within the mind's tendency to entrap those who delve too deep, into the structure of patterns, and finally the matrix. But other than that, a gagged man lives in our mind. And we are sheeplike vehicles of boredom while others are gone in delight, not even within reach, in the beyond place. It has been hushed away this secret place.. None knows it any more. Why, don't ask me, I never knew anything, I am just a black sheep." -- Espen Synnestvedt.

"I am neither enlightened nor un-enlightened, I might be some place in-between, but I let others decide what I am, by letting them reveal to me their perceived reality of my fragmented identity." -- Espen Synnestvedt.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go." -- Dr. Seuss.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr Seuss.

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." -- Dr. Seuss.

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." -- Dr. Seuss.

"The most important aspect of freedom of speech is freedom to learn. All education is a continuous dialogue - questions and answers that pursue every problem on the horizon. That is the essence of academic freedom." -- William Orville Douglas.

My Favorite Animés Airing In Japan

Lately I've spent a grave deal of time every day reading various articles of personal interest and harassing forums in search of more convenient digital enlightenment knowledge. For some reason I feel that the more I learn of new things the less I actually know overall. Hence feeling completely blank like now. And most of the time as well.. self-hypnotised in some meditative drunken stupor at approximately 70% of the day.

Currently these days I'm deep into three of my favorite animé television shows, namely Naruto, Naruto Shippuuden, Bleach, and Soul Eater. They are simply to good to not watch once you've started, and they oftenly give me good reason to use the computer, sorta consuming me all in all. But as long as you enjoy things I guess it's a good thing anyhow.

Naruto the animé.
Naruto Uzumaki is a young boy who has the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox sealed within him. Twelve years before the start of the series, the fox attacked the ninja village Konohagakure, slaughtering many people. As such, the leader of Konohagakure – the Fourth Hokage – sacrificed his own life to seal the demon inside Naruto when he was a newborn. Konohagakure, however, regarded Naruto as if he were the demon fox itself and mistreated him throughout most of his childhood. A decree made by the Third Hokage forbade anyone mention the attack of the demon fox to anyone although Naruto soon realized about this. Years later, Naruto graduated from the Ninja Academy by using his Shadow Clone Technique, a technique from a forbidden scroll that he was tricked into stealing, to save his teacher, Iruka Umino, from the renegade ninja Mizuki. That encounter gave Naruto two insights: that he was the container of the demon fox, and that there was someone besides the Third Hokage who actually cared for and acknowledged him.

Naruto: Shippūden the animé.
Naruto: Shippūden or also known as Naruto: Hurricane Chronicles) is the ongoing sequel to the original Naruto anime and covers the Naruto manga from volume twenty-eight on. After training for two and a half years with Jiraiya, Naruto returns to Konohagakure, reunites with the friends he left behind, and reforms Team 7, now called Team Kakashi, with Sai replacing Sasuke. All of Naruto's classmates have matured and improved in the ranks, some more than others. Unlike the original series where they only played a minor role, the Akatsuki organization takes on the main antagonistic role in their attempts at world domination.

Bleach the animé.
The story opens with the sudden appearance of Soul Reaper Rukia Kuchiki in Ichigo Kurosaki's bedroom. She is surprised at his ability to see her, but their conversation is interrupted by the appearance of a "hollow", an evil spirit. After Rukia is severely wounded while trying to protect Ichigo, she attempts to transfer half her powers to Ichigo in order to let him face the hollow on equal footing. Ichigo instead unintentionally absorbs almost all her energy, allowing him to defeat the hollow with ease. The next day Rukia appears in Ichigo's classroom as a seemingly normal human, and informs Ichigo that his absorption of her powers has left her stranded in the human world until she recovers her strength. In the meantime Ichigo shelters Rukia in his home and takes over her job as a Soul Reaper, battling hollows and guiding lost souls to Soul Society.

Soul Eater the animé.
Soul Eater primarily revolves around students classified as meisters (shokunin) at the Shinigami Weapon Meister Vocational School (Shinigami Buki Shokunin Senmon Gakkō), or Shibusen for short, located in the fictional Death City, in Nevada, United States. The school is run by Shinigami, the God of Death himself, as a training facility for weapons and the human wielders of those weapons, the meisters. Each meister has at least one demon weapon companion which has both a weapon and human form. Shinigami created the school as an organization that enforces peace in order to prevent the rebirth of the "kishin", the evil demon god that nearly destroyed everything by plunging the world into chaos. Human souls that have become evil by straying from the path of humans have a high risk of becoming kishin, so evil humans are constantly being hunted down and killed by the students trained at Shibusen. The ultimate goal of the students with their weapons is to have their weapons defeat and absorb the souls of ninety-nine evil humans and one witch, which will dramatically increase the power of the given weapon and thus be capable of being used by shinigami. In order to ensure this is done in a timely manner, all students and weapons attend classes regularly and are given homework or supplementary lessons to further their training. The meisters have a rating system that goes from one to three stars which usually measures soul energy. It is important that the meister and weapon can tune their "soul wavelength" to perform high level attacks and bring out the weapon's full power.

(Taken from wikipedia).

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Artist (Dream)

I had a creepy, near nightmarish dream last night.

I was inside this art gallery and there was an artist who had made lots of artificial intelligence bots and robots. When I approached his work he immediately drew my attention, and the artist said he wasn't the true 'Artist', but he would show me how to make them and then he put me in an elevator shaft and it eventually took me into a white hall. And then a doctor came up to me and asked if I wanted to become a half-robot, like the cyborg, assuring there would be benefits. I was with a certain unease persuaded into saying yes and he got me into a surgery room where he, without anaesthetics, drove two metal screws into each side of my diaphragmatic area and I remember it hurt like hell even though it was a dream, and then he sent me to a room with other 'half-breeds', and I felt like I couldn't control myself any more, I was under control by some sick doctor who supposedly was the 'real' Artist. And I think the guy in the art hall downstairs was just a trickery bot disguised as a human organic being to give the Artist new half-breed specimens for his artificial intelligence exhibition that seemed to be the main attraction inside the art gallery. I somehow woke up with the feeling that there are so many beautiful things about human beings, there are so many subtle, characteristic things that make them 'special'. And when people are beautiful, others will try to take advantage of them for 'special' personal agenda. The world will always be a scary place if you feel like someone very special.


Sometimes I feel like a pranayama bot.

Sunday, July 20, 2008


Because oxygen is so very vital to mind and body I began utilising a breathing exercise some mornings using, 'victorious breath' so as not to become as overly dizzy with all the air passings as if I were to be breathing regular with the sniffle sound. I have found some pleasant advantages in doing this exercise, that (by the way) was evoked by moral urgings of shaping a certain potential of (especially) the mornings, as they have been me unpleasant. Just really trying to neglect morning tide with the bad stomach feeling and worse. I learned three things about oxygen.

1. The eyes become more transparent. So the more glossy they are the more fed with air. (The eyes sure are a mystery!)

2. It greatly cures headache and mental plagues.

3. The bodily and mental processes are less strangled, many processes can function better and a human being can be expected to simply do more of things. Oxygen= Energy. The more air, the more fuel.

Also in higher degrees of breathing intake one may feel somewhat misted in a pleasant aura of air. Like an aura of refreshment.