Another Round Of Sleeplessness, Healing Past Trauma, Meaninglessness, Deep Shadow-Dusk, Blind In Explorations.

another round of sleepless night,

work is something i enjoy, but as long as i'm not getting enough rest,

this insomnia-tendency is breaking down my willpower and tearing on my endurance,

i reckon i've had worse, but i don't recall those experiences very pleasant,

healing the past trauma,

the autonomous shock of 'something',

greater than myself,

it evolves into a secret to mankind, one that is with me through thick and thin,

and i do continue the incessant bravery,

always, i have to test the limits, even if i don't 'really' want to,

coincidences make an opening,

for meaninglessness,

the testing of my mental resilience,

i don't see any meaning to that,

will it again give me great faith and confidence,

to struggle with anguish,

and metaphysical meandering,

without a lantern, in deep shadow-dusk,

i am blind in my explorations,

as if the only, or at least one way to newfound redemption,

is paving through the hardest seeming 'obstructions' in my human psyche,

Nowhere.

finally I found my path,

i'm going!

i'm going nowhere,

Philosophy, Mechanism Or Rule-Based Approach, My Own Way.

I wouldn't even want to study philosophy at this time, because it is a hinderance to my own unique reading in this spiritual endeavour. I don't want to be polluted with any bias or pre-constructed ideas from other philosophers. I am in a sense a philosopher myself, one going unmistakably through a (seemingly) advanced and permanent kundalini awakening process, at least I have had no signs of this energy going back into dormancy. I am secretly a P.G.Krishna poster-child and mayhaps even a Nietzsche one. Lately I have met a small hinderance in regards to expressing my thoughts in written form, a combination of k developing a mental daze whilst sitting for prolonged periods in front of the computer and a lack of ability to bring up the usual vocabulary and progressively develop it. My language is very advanced in emotions thus there is an urging need to testament them. My language is a combination of autodidacticism and healing laze, my reading is not affected by any other than the possible perception my extraordinary process might give, and whether it's a non-understood process, I am in a constant chemical flux, therefore I have submit only to the dynamic flux and therefore not constructed rule-based mechanisms of approach in my life. It is very hard to be definitive whilst going through a process that is yet unknown in definition, only that it is the spiritual joker that pulls the very strings of my trans-rationality. One result here is the occasional submergence into the mystical ocean of creation, and that creative ocean then polish the mind in an intensity such as the sea-waves grinding the edge of a rock, any misshapenness is molded into a design that even a sculpturer would admire.

Pieces Falling Into Place, Fragments Of My Life.

pieces falling into place,

fragments of my life,

even a monday can outdo a promising sunday,

even a tuesday can outdo a saturday,

a wednesday can be of friday mood,

a thursday can be a day off,

Alternative.

If all fail and nothing works, might as well do as ye will for there is no more sorrow than not conquering the day, in the many ways it can be done. It is more than just the duty of others, that's more or less insignificant to the process.