Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I withdraw into my bed.
Waiting for this energy to calm down.
I am in a spiritual trauma.
There is no way to escape.
This energy, never give me any rest.
Yet I am to believe it is a great blessing,
even when it feels like a curse.
I don't know how I managed this far,
or why I still go on.
Why do I still go on.
I just do.
An art-teacher asked me to paint the walls in the second floor room.
I said yes.
Tomorrow I am painting the walls in egg-white.
Who knows, maybe I'll get a free painting course?
Right now I am listening to All India Radio on Spotify.
It is such an awesome application.
Days are sometimes so tedious at work.
It is outright boring some days.
And I get relatively tired.
Because of this world I have to keep up and going.
What is the reward for taking such an arduous path..
And how do I manage..
Am I going to die for real, or am I already dead?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
--Healer (role variant)
--Keirsey Temperament Sorter
Friday, August 6, 2010
Cafe With Work-Colleague, Gargantuous Piece Of Carrot-Cake, Four Beers, Spiritual Meeting And Angry Bus-Driver.
After work today I went to the cafe with a work-colleague. Right when we sat down my mother was sitting at the neighboring table. My friend introduced himself to my mother and then we continued the chatting. I ordered a cappuccino and a carrot-cake. (In this cafe they are famous for their carrot-cakes, hence why I go there, for my coffee and carrot-cake.) When I ordered my cake the woman behind the disk asked if I wanted the 'reeeaaally' large cake piece, and I said yes, sure. She gave me this huuuge piece.
Whilst sitting outside, my work-colleague told the same woman I ordered the large cake-piece from, that if I could eat it all up, would she give me a hug? I felt a bit uncomfortable that my friend said that to her. She said yes, if you can eat it all I'll give you a hug, if you want. After several smokes, and chatting, I finally ate the last piece. She gave me a hug, and my work-colleague took a picture of it. I felt rather uncomfortable with the hugging and the picture being taken, and I felt a bit retarded. Actually I looked retarded on the picture, at least I thought so.
We advanced to a bar, sitting outside drinking some beers, with the occasional sun gazing between the openings in the sky.
I went to the bus station and waited for a while. Then I went to ask when my bus was coming, since there are extra buses going, because the train-station is currently being repaired. Then I got in contact with a stranger and started talking with him. We got into the term spirituality and kundalini, and he told me he was actually going to become a high priest. He was studying rituals and psychology. He was also an artist, making music and studying occultism.
We went into the middle door of the bus and sat down. Suddenly the bus-driver comes stomping to us asking if we were the ones who went into the middle door. He was really angry because of that, and we told him we would come to the front an pay.
We continued to talk on the bus, about spirituality. Then he went off, and I shook his hand and waved to him. He was going to meet a certain high priest. He wanted to become a high priest himself. On the rest of the road on the bus I wore my headphones, listening to my iPod.
Sometimes I just sorta meet these strangers and it feels unmistakably meant to be, these meetings and moments that happen whilst going through my spiritual journey.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
death instead of life
dream instead of reality
no answers to be found
i want to give up
some things i do give up
but it seems it is not enough
everything is consumed
everything is consumed
in the vacuum
there are no fairies here
feels like a point of no return
and i might as well idle
waiting for nothing to happen
because that is all there is in the now
it is so defined now
i am alone here
even in crowded places
alone in this dimension
and it feels like
i have to stay here
for no less
i try to define
what is strength
after some thought
i find that
is the greatest one
my own weakness
and i die quickly
like that of a mirror
it is painful
to be stung by my own pieces