Friday, November 13, 2009

Out From A Nonsense-Life Came A Garland Of Poses Through Mysterious Random Occurences Which Triggered Past-Life Enquiry And Altered-States Of Mind

I felt I could do no other than to sit in front of a computer all day, making philosophical enquiries and mental words-salads out of thoughts, to sit in a chair, staring at the sometimes inevitable doom of the blue screen of death, long enough to become a vegetating cyberspace hermit. Out from this nonsense life, my spiritual enquiry had already began! Who would have thought so? I certainly didn't..

So who would have thought that I, of all people out there, were to have a genuine spiritual awakening at these early ages. It's not like I am in some premature midlife-crisis either.

Yet the existential ponder I have had since I began to idle in my teeny-years, whilst sheltered from social relations and circumstances, did deliver me non-mistakenly to the garland of poses in an Ashtanga Yoga center in Oslo, after a series of 'mysterious' occurences. It was definitely not like I found this Yoga on my own, there were a bunch of 'random' occurences that seemed unmistakenly 'meant-to-be', to ever be considered in relation to personal choice of the matter.

From here on things went on its own, I was being led into what eventually some may call spiritual emergence, or altered-states, or as they might have labeled me in the ignorance of psychiatric dabble; psychotic. It is none of these, yet at times I have questioned my sanity, but in the end I know I am right, because I have these surges in my body every day now, and I clearly distinquish between what is hot and cold, what is right and wrong. What is intelligence, what is intuition. What is sanity, what is insanity.. although I found at the verge of being somewhat insane, profound sanity in it, and insanity in my previous 'sane' state of mind, which is now completely purified.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The 'Do's And Don'ts' Of Edible, And Otherwise Consumable Things

When the nervous system is aroused it is already too easy to get stressed out by a variety of things going on either inside or outside of us, because of the neuroemotional association and reactions to fears and dreads, so then it would be obvious that there is no need for any stimulants like coffee, tea, coke (sodas), lemonades or other soft drinks containing arguably unreasonable amounts of sugar. The ideal would be a calm and steady mind. Considerable difficulty can arise from things such as alot of coffee and sugar intake. Generally things that are calming and soothing on the body, ('Vata' in Ayurveda). Raw vegetables, boiled vegatables, not ice cold water, warm soups, but not too sweet or spicy. Try to avoid much salt, sugar, pepper, and other types of seasonings, as these things tend to affect the body-mind. Regarding medications I would say that one should avoid it, but have a certain balance, because it is not very rational or grounding to fly above the ground for excess periods of time, as they can seem disturbing to other people, one has to stay within the humano-social range or atleast on the edge. If you were an astronaut on a planet without gravity the normal thing to do would be to not go off the planet, because of the fear and confusion in open space, not being able to know whether you'll ever land on solid ground again, that could cause alot of anxieties. The social bit is very important at times, when you are able to express out your insights and lessons.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

On The Bus I Saw A Reflection Of Two Beady, Curious Eyes

Today after work (I work as a part time carpenter) I was really tired and I was literally full of muck and all sorts of dirt and I was sitting quietly in contempt on the bus trying to concentrate on not getting stressed out. I glanced in the bus window a woman staring at me with curious beady eyes from the shady window reflection, when I saw her eyes she immediately withdrew her curiosity from me. I went off the bus and stopped for a second on the pavement. Before me I saw a beautiful woman walking past me, the same that was looking at me in the shady window reflection, and I got a feeling of limerance to the life that I used to live, when my consciousness was steady and I was ignorant to the wisdom of the world. Even after a while she had stopped further down the road pavement near some forest crossroad and it felt like she was waiting just to see me cross her, she was talking to some kids and it felt as if she was indeed waiting for something, or someone. I felt a bit spaced out (as I often do), and so, I just walked past without giving the least bit of attention to her. There was something to her eyes in the window reflection that gave me a feeling of love and compassion, so I felt soft and like a cushion for the rest of my walk home. She was not a cutey or anything.. she was a real woman, and she was really gorgeous.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Kundalini, The Nervous System, And Chakra Over-Activation

This raw source of electricity is enough to light up the backyard in a rural district. That being said, the vehicle of such an amount of increased energy is bound to have their nervous system go haywire, often creating more a natural reaction of disturbance and acute introspection than awe and wonder. Once you have become accustomed with being a psychenaut, having accepted and opened yourself to exploring other realms of existence and these varying extreme states of consciousness that follows a genuine awakening, rather than worrying about psychosis, you become a time- and space traveller. Everything is going so quickly and there is definitely no stopping up to think, there is only the infinite and the 'now'. The intuition is truly the only security one has in such an unfortunate awakening process.

I became a psychenaut after it happened... changing quickly. Only faith in myself and my ability to recuperate somehow.. some day.. gave me strength to endure and still enduring. I was simply not prepared mentally and also my personality is melancholic/phlegmatic and I had alot of unresolved karma (blocks), so had lots of traumas already, kundalini enhanced my suffering to a great extent that I thought was unbearable to endure, but I made it through hell and everything's better than being down there, in the bottom of the gutter of panic anxiety and depression. Good thing I recuperated quickly and somehow got back up.What kundalini does is activate your chakras to.. let's say 200- 400%, so if a normal very healthy perfectly working body/mind has all the chakras active at 100%, that person is most likely a very happy and stable person, and lives at the peak of egoic whims. Kundalini temporarily over-activates the nervous system and the chakra vortexes and so your chakras might activate to the maximum cutting edge of what your nervous system can handle, to as much as 400%. At that stage you are unable to think, even breathe, but at 200% and 300% you are in great suffering because you cannot utilise your self and adapt to the normal society, nor do most things other than sit still and focus on one-pointedness of mind, or rather 'meld into the object of concentration'. You are in a state of complete samadhi where your personality, (sense of identity) is not present, you are just pure awareness and you will not be able to work in the usual way because your supra-conscious and cosmic consciousness works in a much different manner than your normal waking consciousness. It will dispell the ignorance of your mind very quickly and prejudices and you have to be that 'one', witnessing your own disappearing into some inner void or space and you get this mental claustrophobia as a cause of the intensified purification. A spark of pranotthana or kundalini-energy isn't the same as kundalini-awakening - now that very source called the kundalini-serpent has began to ascend upwards to meet it's male counterpart Shiva to unite, when it happens, a state of complete non-dualism happens, a state of one'ness. It would be completely blissful if it happened very slowly, but unfortunately that isn't always controllable, nor the case..

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Swimming Upstream, Riding Down the Stream, Popping Up From The Surface-Water Like A Cork

The blog title is likened to the Japanese saying; "To swim upstream", just a bit modified here, but meaning the same thing. Whatever endevours in life we partake in, there is always a path we walk into, and some of them are easier to traverse than others. When swimming upstream you undertake a difficult path, sometimes it is undesired to take such an arduous path, whether it is a marathon or a psycheneurotic inner cosmic adventure - and sometimes this very path is the only one left, or it seems to haunt you anyway, finding back to you no matter how much you try to avoid your inevitable journey.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Kundalini And Depersonalisation

I have wondered why so many strange 'unnecessary' symptoms occur during an awakening process such as in kundalini growth. It is almost a bit of a shame that one feels detached from physical existense and its attachments, including the simplicity of life. Before all of this I still had more sensations of both pleasure and pain, happiness and peace than I have now. It is obviously a very difficult disciplination going on while an intelligent source of energy begins a full, ongoing internal vacuum-cleaning process. There are so many ways to drift for the mind, so many pitfalls unless you can stay within the contemplative silence of the spinning tornado. Whenever you reach outside you enter a stormful atmosphere of desperately clinging onto some sort of demonstrative attempt of controlling the strings. It is rather us as the witness and as consciousness who must adapt to the voidy atmosphere and the mental freedom that is sometimes without boundaries. When feeling spaced out becomes your bread and butter every day imagination comes as a vital survival tactic. But as said, the freedom can make you scared by your own ability to conjure endless 'patterns and strings'.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Vision, Dream, A Purpose Perchance?

I came to a realisation today.. There are so many people suffering from mystical to 'mental disorders' who are by, psychopathic psychiatric nurses, sent to psychiatric wards and institutions. I have come to this realisation that since apparently there are few to none with knowledge on this subject regarding kundalini and mystical experiences, other than in certain countries in the eastern continent, that I have come to the conclusion that I must share my knowledge on the subject to the needy. I want to create a center for these things, to encourage people to come and share their experiences. I feel a shame of living in a non-spiritual country that diagnose misunderstood people like germans mistreat underaged prostitutes in Thailand. My dream is to become a master of my own journey, of the realms of the psychenaut, of the various dimensions of the expanded reality. To come at the jourey's end, fully enlightened at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel of anguish and despair. My sole purpose for slipping into this path of spirituality has been to enter these realms that I travel into, in order to illuminate the darkness and dispell it. Since I am alone in this spiritual mystery I must find the way to enlightenment on my own. Probably a most dangerious and ardious path, but I'm a warrior that has never been afraid of getting some scars on the path, I might have to endure alot of suffering as well, I reckon, since I've already done so alot these pasttimes.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Kundalini-transformation

I feel it is about time to share with you, dear reader, my experience so far with my kundalini awakening. It is much to say, but also much to be forgotten, for there have been far too many traumatic experiences, and very few blissful ones. Had I not felt as if I was fighting for my own sanity all the time and keeping up with the intense awareness without getting mentally exhausted, I would probably have been far more blissful. But I can only do what I am doing, and that is to remain as steady and clear as possible. It is an immensely difficult task that have been set up for me in this life, and I find it difficult to focus on more than the moment at hand, or I will surely fall into the nightmare that I have fallen into before, when it all started, and I had no idea of what was going on inside me and what challenges I had before me. Had I known it then, I would probably not have made it to this point, or perhaps I would somehow. I always find a rabbit-hole to jump into when the storm is riding me too hard. Maybe that is why I am suffering from some sort of meditative psychosis, a deep inner state of consciousness, I am now seeing through the looking glass, I sense it is far beyond normal human condition, and I am now in an extreme state of mind, or consciousness, but noone sees it except for myself. It is obvious that I am in a different space and time, an inner, transcendent void, or vacuum as if wrapped 'safely' around and finding my way around somehow. I am confronted with my innermost fears and dreads, I cannot remember much of what has happened.. or I don't want to remember.. I have tried to forget the most severe traumas. It's like I can't remember even if I try hard.. I have supressed it through these months of willpower endurance, learning to surrender to myself and the pure awareness, and accepting an unheard amount of inner emotional and mental suffering, almost breaking my psyche every day. I wonder how I manage at all. I will continue on this matter of spiritual emergency.

I feel I am close to losing control of my own world. I was up doing the dishes and I felt as if I was utterly neurotic, being confronted with alot of weird questions coming up to my mind. One of them, that has been pestering me for a long time is the feeling of being deranged, sometimes feeling lost, and the very unpleasant feelings and thoughts that this world, this existence seems so unreal, it is like I don't even exist any more, as if I am nothing, and everything feels more and more unfamiliar. Even my family, the world around me seems flat and boring, almost dead. And I am locked in an altered consciousness where I feel out of touch from the outside, from myself even, I see myself subjectively, as an explorer sometimes. When the day has been long I go into a temporary psychosis-type of state. I usually get waves of anxiety, and symptoms of depersonalisation and derealisation gives me the same feeling again and again that this life, my existence is nothing, my purpose seems utterly meaningless, as if I realised that everything is different, severly different than what I thought. I remember I withdrew myself gradually every day in the beginning stages. As it happened I had extreme fear and anxiety followed by panic attacks, now it is not as severe, I feel more suffocated than panical.

My life seems like it turned from easy, or normal mode to nightmare-mode. Just like the game difficulty on the Diablo series. Noone made it on nightmare, without deep concentration and will-strength and perseverence. I feel the same about being me. Just being myself now is sometimes an utter nightmare. The short feelings of mild peace or thoughtlessness is surely a relief from the neurotic suffering and intense non-stop awareness that exhausts my head.

I wish someone could help me on the path of the psychenaut, which is what I've become. Far from mature enough to fix this up on my own. I sometimes feel like a giant child, I would really just wake up tomorrow and be the one I was before all this started. Atleast I had some portion of ignorance, that has been dispelled and made my mental inhabitance at times hellish. I know with myself that this is an extreme state of mind, maybe noone belives me, maybe noone sees any change, but I am the consciousness that observes, I am that which has no identity, yet glows of unikeness to others. I am a servant to others, explorer of mine own existence.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Kundalini Arousal

Kundalini energy arousal and altered/highened states of reality and 'trance'-states/transcendent reality. It has now become a fact that what I am going through - as many others claim to be the going through, is the 'god'/'shiva-shakti' union of trans-spiritual growth - the energy of higher consciousness evolve and transformation. Perhaps it is true that some of us who experience these 'phenomena' are given psychiatric diagnosises like bipolar and schizophrenia. I believe that from the pragmatic view of psychiatricians is insufficient in helping those experiencing spiritual 'phenomena'. Unfortunately there is a severe lack of acceptance and knowledge in these fields in western society, although I believe as more of these cases surface around in the western world there will be a higher awareness from the pragmatic side. Since many of those who do experience kundalini-related energy or higher/altered states of awareness/reality do not know what is going on, I am certain they will have some portion of mental confusion, anxiety and panic that naturally surfaces with different states of perception. Depersonalisation and a psychosis-like states, (but only resembles psychosis), can also come with this mentally challenging energy, because the nervous system goes haywire and the usual safer patterns of the brain is dissolved along with the ego/super-ego because it transcends, and one feels as if one is becoming more and more the observer from the inside and out, as if peering 'through the looking glass' with both fear and wonder.

This is only from my own experience with the help of some reading in order to try to accept what is going on, so that it is not to be associated with something that is negative, but certainly the fear of going mad, the existential anxiety and panic and the underlying fear and alertness can be quite a scary ongoing anticipation, because one must be purified of that which one may cling onto, but in the end, purification will happen, whether one resists or not. Medications can temporarily ground the energy, and it can be very wise with some grounding when the energy becomes reckless and you slip into an emergence state. They need not be very strong medications since on the spiritual heights one become naturally hypersensitive and sensory perception is far beyond ordinary levels. That is why suffering in these states feel like nightmare and hell, but it is actually only the sensations that become heighened, and thus one may be percieved to be a hypochondriac by others, because the sensations are greatly amplified, both with postive emotions and negative emotions, and one can even be led to suicidal thoughts and homicidal urges when all in all, a less refined body would not take the pain in a near similar way because it is not as pure and vulnerable as an extremely vibrant energy body, destructive habits can ultimately lead to untold suffering beyond comprehension.

This is only speaking from my own experience over about 6 months now (that is when the energy activity became high), and the result was panic anxiety and a struggle to remain rational even when every thought that came up into my mind became irrational because the anxiety has a tendency to make everything happening irrational.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

And A Big Question Ensues As a Result Of Blogging Ramble

I wonder if someone reads this blog-or even know it exists-and whether I'm the only one that understands/familiarise with this eccentric blog ramble?

Sunday, January 11, 2009

My Usual Profile Inlay

I am myself.

Spiritual.

Known to dabble in an unseen amount of things. Interested in almost anything, really. Like the others, (as to not seem like such a primitive human being), I also like finer food and wine.

My dream is to know a little about most things, even the mystical things, and ofcourse secret knowledge. I already know a whole lot about a thousand useless things which I never learned in school as far as I recall. But that's still just a tiny fragment of things-that I decided to put up here.

Things like ideology, theology, theosophy, mysticism, metaphysics interests me in general, I intend to learn more toward those kind of subjects and studies, but mostly I can't remember everything that I want to learn because it's more than I can come up with in my mind as of now.

"In the woods, if alone, you have to survive on your own using your instincts. In the city, if alone, you get around using your wits and communication skills. Learning persuasion can also come in handy, especially if you want to become a good haggler - I think people generally underestimate the value of good haggling, its a shame they don't accept this sort of bargaining in the general stores. It's surprisingly social and psychodramatic. And why not make use of gemstones as well--for the day when paper-money for some reason becomes worthless shall certainly come--because of some unknown catastrophe that makes it useless." -- Swami Espen.

"There is more to the world than what meets the eye, only a few of us realise that we are almost completely blind in delusion. Someone likes to hide us in a carpet of ignorance, why we do it to ourselves all the time--by letting ignorance slip into our naive little brain as fodder to our own eventual demise." -- Swami Espen.

"My 'philosophy on life' or ideology is believing in myself to some extent, as a potentially potent individual, however, I am not solely mine own redeemer, for the people that I meet in life has and always will affect me in some way or the other. So I believe my path is almost as unpredictable as the ramblings of a madman." "I am neither enlightened nor un-enlightened, I might be some place in-between, but I let others decide what I am, by letting them reveal to me their perceived reality of my fragmented identity." -- Swami Espen.

"Ego -is- two things. Visible, or non-visible. Neither is any better, some just conceal their true nature and agenda. Transparent ego is, however, enlightened living." -- Swami Espen.

"Cold here though, but we got ourselves a huge ass forest up here with miles of path into the yet unknown depth of the forestry. Haven't seen rosemary elves yet, though, but a yeti-baboon stomping quickly past my vertigo in the distance - an albino squirrel jollily chasing the frightened yeti-baboon. Oh my he was scared to death that huge baboon. Needless to say our albino squirrels are quite bloodthirsty. You should see them some time, just remember to pick up on a bazooka and an industrial helmet. Wa-heeee...." -- Swami Espen.

Panoramic Image

Neslip stood energised before an elevated cliff. It was a special secret spot and usually a spectacular view. The foggy, dim-lighted, dusky atmosphere gave a gloomy yet pecular panoramic view in the near-early morning rise. It naturally shook him deep within to be able to even behold such a sight. He'd never seen it like this before! It could have been a dream, it mattered not though-it was nonetheless beautiful, and the feel and atmosphere was especially dreamy today. Something new happened to him after that day, one thing of atleast a certain essential quality. He was most perceptive and wise, he continued to grow in his approach of deepness of being in life and he found great depth in the world, that almost shook his spine at times.

Greslik sat down on an elevated cliff. He was weary in his legs. People said it was this 'secret' place. He'd heard much talk of all these 'special' places where ever people lived, whether it was located in the forest or somewhere else. It was nothing special he though, scratching the back of his head, and now he wanted to go home and rest on the couch. It gave him not much of an impression, but then again nothing really did. He had long forgotten to just be in his natural residence of being, so he missed out on alot of empty, yet substantial moments such as this. He had not managed to empty his mind on his journey to view and behold the beautiful panoramic forest scenery from the elevated cliffside. His world was lacking depth of view, so he never felt the depth of the life either. He might have had intelligence, but he did not ever obtain wisdom - that of perception and positive change. He had no depth.

Breath/Life, Its Impact, And The Arise Of Spiritual Awakening

Breath is life. Oxygen is the only factor that plays a key role in our ability to sustain our own body. A good breath is a breath that has quality. Ultimately this makes a good quality of life. Breath is evaluated in its ability to journey freely into the the lungs and belly. With too little oxygen to the lower abdomen, constipation can arise. It is a result of shallow breathing, in turn accelerating both anxiety and stress. This can also create disease of the body. In general, breathing shallow or not breathing properly will soon mirror a less functional and vital body. As we are all aware of, radiance and vitality can not be obtained without the knowing of breath and its undeniable impact on each and every one of us. Other than basic knowledge of its impact on us, experiencing through practice is to be the main focal point, as it is far more fruitful to base oneself on healthiness in person, and not theorising of its profound effects. That would make no sense. Spirituality arises first and foremost from the point on where you regulate and correct your own breath, and your potentially dangerous breathing habits. That is awakening of self-enquiry. Much like the Alexander technique brings greater awareness to bad postural habits while sitting in front of a computer or simply a malevolent habitual walk.

Ride on the wings of the calm and easy state of mind and being, don't fall before yourself, don't cease to take responsibility of control of yourself!

Letter To The Disheartened

Is it impossible for a person with a long path of darkness and suffering behind him/her-to contain this eventual happiness that surprisingly ensues when at the least expected so-as if manifestations of small glimmers of hope and illumination on what seems to always be daily strife and suffering-is it possible to contain this happiness for one who has always been deep into great despair? I think not. Although we survive, we do not treat ourself in the same degree of self-righteous compassion than those who are generally very happy. The ugly truth is that if you are somehow happy you are given all the gifts of good will and well-being, but mostly nothing if you are depressing. Fear not however, for thou art brave like a knight in shining armour!

There be no higher chances of happiness and success for those who are intelligent, high-energy beings, therefore some of us are bound to miserable states, acceptance may very well be the first step to find relief from the mental agony of that which proves only to be ceaseless if not surrendering upon.

Being too awake or aware of one's surroundings can be great suffering when the others crumble like maggots in comparison, but at the same time is integrated in their less awakened state without questioning-living fine and well in that unquestioning state on little to none spiritual awareness-the more awakened spirit beings certainly do question many things in order to see for themselves what is the real truth behind this--for themselves! Remarkable and glorious they are, radiant almost shining beings, protected by a mystical angelic contour, that never lets you slip away from this life of certain attachment-a life of utmost uncertainty.. willpower goes a long way.. so does one-pointedness of mind.

There is only a great deal of pain wrapped around in stories of the heads and minds of the men and women who thought too much for their own good, they did much work for the libraries to store of them, but a racing mind is not often a happy mind. Be brave enough to live, be proud enough to be one-pointed on the task at hand.. and you may just have challenged yourself in a new way.. which will lead you to what yet is a mystery to you, I would know, my days are strings of uncertainty, but I do what I do, and that is all that matters for now, as for you, and many others out there, it is of less importance-am I right-of what other people think of you, or even think for you.

You are your own will and the hopes for redemption may very well be very close to the end of the tunnel of despair!

Great blessings!

The Evil Eye

you sit there in your comfy couch,
pretending to enjoy your standing,
you queue me up like a self-imposed arrogant buffoon,
when in fact your every so often sarcasm,
is a concealment of your lack of understanding,
and you assume yourself to be an intellectual,
when you can barely understand english,
and you impose upon all manner of strange ideas about yourself,
but i know you are not like this,
because ive seen you crumble on the ground like a scared child,
in dire need of repentance,
before my evil eye,
it destroys you within,
all this nonsense assuming and imposing,
and you are actually scared of mine one evil eye,
because it is the only thing that proves that you are wrong,
in so many ways,
therefore the killing silence,
of mine evil eye,
gazing deep within,
perhaps penetrating through you,
like a newly sharpened spear,
and you believe im somewhat of a psycho,
when you are the real psycho,
my evil eye is righteous in its cause,
like a medieval spearman knight,
of anti-heroism and anti-valour,
nonetheless,
for righteousness,
'tis my will

Sunday, January 4, 2009

How To Release Massive Energy

By the way this isn't fictional or untrue, it just happens that noone seem to know what this is, this technique of releasing massive electromagnetic energy, therefore I have not found any professionals' answers on this, because noone actually knows, other than me ofcourse, who have been experiencing with the technique and maybe some other people, but otherwise the technique is shown in Japanese martial-arts animes and the sort. In Bleach the animé for ex. releasing reiatsu (spiritual energy), and afterwards becomes depleted, so my assumption is it is inspired originally from reality or they wouldn't find inspiration to make those techniques in martial-arts animé shows.

I heard some rumours on a forum where we discussed this sort of thing and I've come to think it has something to do either with blood type, bloodline, or survival instinct (strong instincts), or something about metabolism (anabolism, catabolism related?) can't know for sure. All I know is that it is obviously a very rare gift that few (if any) have had any experience/knowledge of. Guessing it can be used for either creation (positive) or destruction (negative). I could maybe think that it is Kundalini-awakening, but it is based on certain triggering 'commanding' rather than just pure spontaneity. If it is indeed Kundalini-awakening, it is a 'trigger-controlled' Kundalini-awakening, which I've personally never read about before.

I remember when I was a little child. I was very active, outgoing, and I remember some times when I did something that I now later have seen Tibetan Buddhist-monks do in one of their 'secret' techniques. I jumped from a picnic table and down into a sandbox - landing in a sitting posture, much like lotus position - posture was taken in mid-air and then landing heavily in a static and stilled way. I didn't get hurt either, and I dunno why I did it, but for some reason I did it several times for some days, and then I can't remember doing it any more. It is to my surprise now that this can actually trigger Kundalini-awakening (the coiled serpent from the base of the spine). Mayhap it was the case. All I know is that I experience the symptoms of those who have awakened their Kundalini energy. And I am getting it's symptoms everytime I do this technique. I wonder if the supreme oscillating electromagnetic energy that surfaces is depleted, or burned up in the process.. can't say for sure as of yet. All I know is that it is better than any orgasm, any orgasmic feeling, it is far beyond, different.. like a very temporary cosmic/meditative orgasm. Through my processes of meditating, doing yoga, generally increasing prana or this universal life energy they call it I find that my 'releasing' technique only gets stronger and more intense.. it is now quite massive, but I fear to use it because I don't know for sure if it depletes me of my prana/universal life energy, as if tapping the source for temporary omni-potency. *grins*

Oh well. This'll be all.

So if you happen to know about this etcetera. Maybe you can do this sort of thing, if so, contact me and we can find out about this stuff. Meta-physicist stuff is a very interesting scientific subject.

Beyond that.. I don't want to give out too much information.. because I don't want to give it out to just anyone.. so.. whatever.

Comment To Someone's Recreative Habits Of The Week

"Need to regularly express myself, use to use a journal. Now here. But when I get stuck...."

Journalism is great stuff! But, like, it feels totally unnecessary when posting so much thoughts in here. I got a really nice journal with a dragon on the front and the dragon's backside on the back, it was a gift from someone I 'dated' a time back but we decided it was best to move on, didn't really work out the way we thought, so decided to just end the.. urm companionship, that what it's called? *confused* Anyway, it's the most awesomest journal I've ever had, maybe I'll be taking a picture and upping it on the site, if anyone'd like to see.

"exercise or get outside in the sun, nature"

But where IS the sun nowadays? If only I'd find the sun! Them gibberlings and kobolds say it has gone into.. slumberous duties. Nature, aight. Cold here though, but we got ourselves a huge ass forest up here with miles of path into the yet unknown depth of the forestry. Haven't seen rosemary elves yet, though, but a yeti-baboon stomping quickly past my vertigo in the distance - an albino squirrel jollily chasing the frightened yeti-baboon. Oh my he was scared to death that huge baboon. Needless to say our albino squirrels are quite bloodthirsty. You should see them some time, just remember to pick up on a bazooka and an industrial helmet. Wa-heeee....

"meditate on a scene from each season and then let it go into the next."

Sounds nice...

"repeat a prayer over and over again until racing thoughts go away"

And I can't believe Clint Eastwood had to pay two-thousand dollars to get instruction on transcendental meditation, which is just getting made your own random mantra and repeating it until your mind gets tired enough and retreats into some place in the head that people pay two-thousand dollars to go? LOL.


Reiki, ask for a blessing from my "spirit guides".

You can actually become a Reiki Grand Master without any external guidance. Hahah. It's simply thinking positive, transferring positive vibrations that oscillate out of you as an auric field and holding your hand where they have ache, headache, tension-headache etc. I wonder how Reiki works with more severe problems..

"Emotions. Getting in touch with emotions helps. Also, I like colors, anything colorful like a good movie with lots of colors in it."

Seen movie '23' with Jim Carrey? Nice scenarios, moods, lightwork. Also Bloodrayne has nice scenarios, sorta based on the video-game, but it's kinda nice nature and adventuring feel in it. Not such a bad movie as people may say if you like colors and backpacking adventuring.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Just Another Thought

If we but refine ourselves enough to become aware of the subtler sensation, what if everything is there, always is, we just haven't a clue it's there, and whenever we become aware of what we were clueless of before, that we suddenly find to be reality, but at the same time finding out that what we already believe in to be true, is false, because our mind interprets in a limited manner?

An illusion because of limited/unrefined sensory perception, therefore sensory perception cannot feel/see?

Are our universal/infinite self our soul? Is soul beyond pure awareness? Is it beyond our grasp to learn about it's residence in ourselves?

Is the soul indeed the essence of our awareness, beyond our ability to be aware of, because we are immediately stimulated by the exterior world once we open our eyes as a newborn child?

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And what about awareness. What is it? How are we able to define it's level or degree/quality? If there is integral awareness, what is then the opposite of that - external awareness? Is that detachment of self, and means of great suffering only?