Kundalini And Depersonalisation

I have wondered why so many strange 'unnecessary' symptoms occur during an awakening process such as in kundalini growth. It is almost a bit of a shame that one feels detached from physical existense and its attachments, including the simplicity of life. Before all of this I still had more sensations of both pleasure and pain, happiness and peace than I have now. It is obviously a very difficult disciplination going on while an intelligent source of energy begins a full, ongoing internal vacuum-cleaning process. There are so many ways to drift for the mind, so many pitfalls unless you can stay within the contemplative silence of the spinning tornado. Whenever you reach outside you enter a stormful atmosphere of desperately clinging onto some sort of demonstrative attempt of controlling the strings. It is rather us as the witness and as consciousness who must adapt to the voidy atmosphere and the mental freedom that is sometimes without boundaries. When feeling spaced out becomes your bread and butter every day imagination comes as a vital survival tactic. But as said, the freedom can make you scared by your own ability to conjure endless 'patterns and strings'.