Saturday, December 20, 2008

A Letter To A Similar Soul-Being.

"I really got your posting on enlightenment. Whatever or wherever you are, I'm feeding into the same plane. The point you make on the transient nature of the awakened state is resonating: swimming upstream is such a good metaphor. And each time I come back, it's as if I'm a child again, yet a wiser, older, younger child. A key to the whole experience is knowing how to operate within perceived reality and not pushing the boundaries too far from people's ordinary understanding."


It warms my empty heart to know that someone understands it the same way I do. It is a relief to know you have experience from this as well. Thanks for commenting on my page, I really appreciate it.

I say empty heart because of the depth of the world I see now, and it seems like rooms have gotten bigger, generally things have gotten a bit more interesting, with the depth and all, in an all-changing way, depending on whether I practice a little or invest my whole day going harder and looking deeper, in search of discovering new layers.

I feel weird sometimes, as if something is unfolding before me, yet I do not know what it is yet, it may just be my intuition spotting certain things and collecting subtle things in my deeper subconsciousness. I have these weird feelings, and I suddenly feel at unease/unsafe sometimes, but most of all I feel the need to experience more, maybe I'm starting to get greedy.. the desire to find out more.. well.. Anyway, it's just so hollow and silent from my perceived little world..

Unfortunate it is that I don't have any friends who have such interests, like those dreamy, noisy, energy-spaces I almost feel 'trapped into' sometimes. I realise it's not permanent, but I'm going upstream no matter, I'm tired of living solely on the physical plane, even though it's even more lonely, (esp. if you don't have any friends who are accompanying you in that kinda mental state of mind/awareness, which I unfortunately don't have at the time being).

I'm going to see how far I can get without getting myself hurt. I've always been like that, I don't give up on what I believe in, no matter how hard it is.

I also noticed my goosebumps feel more like a massive surge of energy rising within my body, the more i practice pranayama, the more intense/real it surfaces. And I find myself being able to control it to some places, but I try to just let it flow wherever it wants to go. It's usually from the base of the spine (around tail bone I'm thinking, and growing as it surges upwards, filling my whole inner space, and going all the way up to the back of my head and releasing alot of electromagnetic energy/waves. And it's really easy to see my own auric waves then, I can also compare it with other's energy, I can read their aura after I meditated and find out if they are telling the truth, or I sense something is wrong with their pranic contour around their body/their electromagnetic waves.


"You are a natural teacher and communicator Eldnord."


I don't know about that, as of yet, I am still figuring things out. Although I feel I'm starting to get the whole image of myself proper, increased sense of identity etc. I'm starting to think that there's not much else to search for inside of my inner space, it only gets bigger, and I feel more detached from the physical life with my family etc. they might not perceive me as I perceive myself, since I have an understanding of why I am who I am and my reasons for acting the way I am at times.

From now on I'm going to focus on making personal achievements that are non-selfish. I think we're all one, once the ego is safely isolated from interrupting the natural cycle of things, but yes, I actually have had a need to teach away what I already know to someone who's actually interested about spirituality. So far people have taken distance, because they think it's an extreme belief, but they haven't seen the other side of the coin either, so they can't believe in what they can't yet see. Maybe I shouldn't waste my time on telling about my inner deepest thoughts.. they are probably surreal to most people. What I found out here was that everyone was so much more open and willing to question, instead of declining first-handedly.

Days feel like weeks, I am atleast certain I am oriented in the current moment, the now, and not thinking about tomorrow, or all things I have done wrong in the past. The now is equally important, or probably even more. Thoughts are still many, and they make things seem slow sometimes, but being in the current moment is pretty much necessary in order to manipulate time, and in order to correct the posture in concentration, toward meditation - when all of a sudden, you begin to flow effortlessly and time has temporarily withdrawn from the mind's sensory perception and we can reap the benefits of void, seemingly timeless space - instead of just having 'free time' with limited space.

This'll have to suffice for now.

Best regards,
seeker Espen.

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