Sunday, December 21, 2008

Weird Experience Yesterday, Hard to Explain (Lateral Thinking?)

There's this meditation technique Alistair Crowley learned where one is supposed to sit down quietly without distractions and ask yourself questions and answer intuitively-like, from your understanding.

Series of questions conjure forth upon insufficient depth of your answers and your mind attempts to go deeper to find the next series of answers, until you need to go deeper and deeper in order to even find an explanation. Once you're really quite deep your intuitive 'mind' dominates, (I think) and you find all manner of weird patterns of approach and thinking in order to solve a 'riddle', one at a time, then another becomes solved because of the previous riddle solved, and then a chain of 'mystery' can be revealed, thus giving you small insights. As if small enlightenments.

I'll try to make some, (abstract) examples, because I find it difficult to explain properly.

The form of lateral thinking yesterday, (a little surprising way of thinking for me, haven't done it very much as I can recall atleast) was able to pour me with small illuminations of insights, and gave me a feeling of absolute certainty, (intuitive certainty).

1. What am I doing here, in this dark space?

2. Why am I even trying to figure out what I am doing, isn't doing just doing something?

3. If I don't figure out the purpose, how can it serve as a purpose, and why would I do it then?

4. My mind seems to be irritated by the fact that I am not able to mentally explain the meaning of my conduct.

5. But. I am obviously still doing something regardless, whether I figure out precisely what, right? And it's specific purpose, right?

6. No and yes. I am confused. Is that a necessity for even becoming irritated, and with that irritation be able to realise that I am being deluded by a spell of maya (illusion) cast by my own rational mind?

7. Why would my own mind, that of my being, be creating confusion to seemingly annoy me?

8. The difference of contentment, I feel as of now, of the moment, certainly relies on my ability to ignore the fact that I am angry at my own creation, my mind's endless spells of illusions.

9. *I ignore it completely and questions stop coming.*

10. *I have travelled a bit deeper into myself without being aware of it, without monitoring it, it was a moment, but I did not consciously notice it.*

11. Was that a moment of meditation?

12. *Suddenly a whole lot of new questions conjure forth, at the same time previous questions are answered. I am certain that the questions before my unmonitored moment of 'meditation', that seemingly allowed me to enter deeper, was a necessity in a sense that they allowed me to become annoyed at my own thinking-patterns enough to completely decline them, thus realising the value of not being able to answer an illusive dilemma, nor monitoring anything at all. Just being the empty space of nothingness, until I notice what I have lain behind me.*

13. Perhaps the purpose is to experience the illusion of the mind. And the ecstasy of learning the value of simply letting go, which seemingly seems to be an art in itself for the deep thinker, in false beliefs that his/her own, (illusive mind; (of maya) will be able to answer the all-conjuring thoughts of no end. Perhaps it is a test of patience, that of also testing it and killing it, in order for him/her, to let go?

(14.) First Answer:
I realised now that. In everyday life, one cannot tolerate all things and still be content. In order to grow on things we need to utterly fail in every thing. Failing is like realising you are losing, and have finally lost. Then you have accepted it and are emotionally revitalised, by not denying the truth.

(15.) Second Answer:
The sayings like 'emotional purification', 'purification through suffering', 'purification on the cross', 'suffering is a means of purification' suddenly gets a whole new meaning..

(16.) Third Answer:
Suffering is a necessity sometimes, as a sometimes forced means of learning the rules of emotional purification. Suffering is also honesty, but denial of suffering is true suffering. That is the painful path indeed. The value of acceptance is immense, as it is a means to purification in several ways).

(This is perhaps not the best example of my yesterday Lateral thinking, but it was somewhat sufficient for now. Maybe I'll work on it later/some day/ or @@~--~just give up~--~@@ (lol)).