Cafe With Work-Colleague, Gargantuous Piece Of Carrot-Cake, Four Beers, Spiritual Meeting And Angry Bus-Driver.

After work today I went to the cafe with a work-colleague. Right when we sat down my mother was sitting at the neighboring table. My friend introduced himself to my mother and then we continued the chatting. I ordered a cappuccino and a carrot-cake. (In this cafe they are famous for their carrot-cakes, hence why I go there, for my coffee and carrot-cake.) When I ordered my cake the woman behind the disk asked if I wanted the 'reeeaaally' large cake piece, and I said yes, sure. She gave me this huuuge piece.

Whilst sitting outside, my work-colleague told the same woman I ordered the large cake-piece from, that if I could eat it all up, would she give me a hug? I felt a bit uncomfortable that my friend said that to her. She said yes, if you can eat it all I'll give you a hug, if you want. After several smokes, and chatting, I finally ate the last piece. She gave me a hug, and my work-colleague took a picture of it. I felt rather uncomfortable with the hugging and the picture being taken, and I felt a bit retarded. Actually I looked retarded on the picture, at least I thought so.

We advanced to a bar, sitting outside drinking some beers, with the occasional sun gazing between the openings in the sky.

I went to the bus station and waited for a while. Then I went to ask when my bus was coming, since there are extra buses going, because the train-station is currently being repaired. Then I got in contact with a stranger and started talking with him. We got into the term spirituality and kundalini, and he told me he was actually going to become a high priest. He was studying rituals and psychology. He was also an artist, making music and studying occultism.

We went into the middle door of the bus and sat down. Suddenly the bus-driver comes stomping to us asking if we were the ones who went into the middle door. He was really angry because of that, and we told him we would come to the front an pay.

We continued to talk on the bus, about spirituality. Then he went off, and I shook his hand and waved to him. He was going to meet a certain high priest. He wanted to become a high priest himself. On the rest of the road on the bus I wore my headphones, listening to my iPod.

Sometimes I just sorta meet these strangers and it feels unmistakably meant to be, these meetings and moments that happen whilst going through my spiritual journey.

Death, Dream, Everything Is Consumed, Empty Lands, Weakness.

death instead of life

dream instead of reality

no answers to be found

in limbo

only insanity

--

i want to give up

some things i do give up

but it seems it is not enough

everything is consumed

and digested

everything is consumed

in the vacuum

there are no fairies here

only emptiness

feels like a point of no return

and i might as well idle

waiting for nothing to happen

because that is all there is in the now

empty lands

it is so defined now

i am alone here

even in crowded places

alone in this dimension

and it feels like

i have to stay here

for no less

than

an eternity

--

i try to define

what is strength

after some thought

i find that

weakness

is the greatest one

my own weakness

expose me

and i die quickly

like that of a mirror

i shatter

it is painful

to be stung by my own pieces

Holding On To Something, Fear Of Integration, No More Certainty. Anguish - In The Purgatory.

I manage to hold onto something within me, I fear for my integration, of not being certain, I surrender what I can give up, I don't know what else to do at this time. I am being tormented by waves of fear and feelings of hopelessness, by the uncertainty of this whole existence, this unreality of mine everything, even myself, whilst being myself.. I ponder hereby how I came to be in this situation, but I cannot remember much... - I don't want to remember.. I am young, I don't understand what a normal life is anymore, at least not in this mess I have gotten myself into. Do I really deserve this? I deserve only the best. There is much anguish - in the purgatory.

Golden Embroidery Woven Into An Otherwise Grey Drape.

When once again life becomes a battle.

Every day becomes a journey through the darkness, in the innermost void.

It matters not how trivial life may be.

But how deep.

Living in the vast creativity.

But also of anguish and anxiety.

The freedom.

Like an astronaut exploring space.

Of unknown lands, so beyond the limits of gravity.

And sometimes returning.

But when you lie there.

You know you will be back up there, in the timeless space.

It is frightening.

But the journey is unmistakably, the golden embroidery woven into an otherwise grey drape.

It is obvious that you are different, when you feel like a story in "Thousand-and-one Nights".

Out From A Nonsense-Life Came A Garland Of Poses Through Mysterious Random Occurences Which Triggered Past-Life Enquiry And Altered-States Of Mind

I felt I could do no other than to sit in front of a computer all day, making philosophical enquiries and mental words-salads out of thoughts, to sit in a chair, staring at the sometimes inevitable doom of the blue screen of death, long enough to become a vegetating cyberspace hermit. Out from this nonsense life, my spiritual enquiry had already began! Who would have thought so? I certainly didn't..

So who would have thought that I, of all people out there, were to have a genuine spiritual awakening at these early ages. It's not like I am in some premature midlife-crisis either.

Yet the existential ponder I have had since I began to idle in my teeny-years, whilst sheltered from social relations and circumstances, did deliver me non-mistakenly to the garland of poses in an Ashtanga Yoga center in Oslo, after a series of 'mysterious' occurences. It was definitely not like I found this Yoga on my own, there were a bunch of 'random' occurences that seemed unmistakenly 'meant-to-be', to ever be considered in relation to personal choice of the matter.

From here on things went on its own, I was being led into what eventually some may call spiritual emergence, or altered-states, or as they might have labeled me in the ignorance of psychiatric dabble; psychotic. It is none of these, yet at times I have questioned my sanity, but in the end I know I am right, because I have these surges in my body every day now, and I clearly distinquish between what is hot and cold, what is right and wrong. What is intelligence, what is intuition. What is sanity, what is insanity.. although I found at the verge of being somewhat insane, profound sanity in it, and insanity in my previous 'sane' state of mind, which is now completely purified.

The 'Do's And Don'ts' Of Edible, And Otherwise Consumable Things

When the nervous system is aroused it is already too easy to get stressed out by a variety of things going on either inside or outside of us, because of the neuroemotional association and reactions to fears and dreads, so then it would be obvious that there is no need for any stimulants like coffee, tea, coke (sodas), lemonades or other soft drinks containing arguably unreasonable amounts of sugar. The ideal would be a calm and steady mind. Considerable difficulty can arise from things such as alot of coffee and sugar intake. Generally things that are calming and soothing on the body, ('Vata' in Ayurveda). Raw vegetables, boiled vegatables, not ice cold water, warm soups, but not too sweet or spicy. Try to avoid much salt, sugar, pepper, and other types of seasonings, as these things tend to affect the body-mind. Regarding medications I would say that one should avoid it, but have a certain balance, because it is not very rational or grounding to fly above the ground for excess periods of time, as they can seem disturbing to other people, one has to stay within the humano-social range or atleast on the edge. If you were an astronaut on a planet without gravity the normal thing to do would be to not go off the planet, because of the fear and confusion in open space, not being able to know whether you'll ever land on solid ground again, that could cause alot of anxieties. The social bit is very important at times, when you are able to express out your insights and lessons.

On The Bus I Saw A Reflection Of Two Beady, Curious Eyes

Today after work (I work as a part time carpenter) I was really tired and I was literally full of muck and all sorts of dirt and I was sitting quietly in contempt on the bus trying to concentrate on not getting stressed out. I glanced in the bus window a woman staring at me with curious beady eyes from the shady window reflection, when I saw her eyes she immediately withdrew her curiosity from me. I went off the bus and stopped for a second on the pavement. Before me I saw a beautiful woman walking past me, the same that was looking at me in the shady window reflection, and I got a feeling of limerance to the life that I used to live, when my consciousness was steady and I was ignorant to the wisdom of the world. Even after a while she had stopped further down the road pavement near some forest crossroad and it felt like she was waiting just to see me cross her, she was talking to some kids and it felt as if she was indeed waiting for something, or someone. I felt a bit spaced out (as I often do), and so, I just walked past without giving the least bit of attention to her. There was something to her eyes in the window reflection that gave me a feeling of love and compassion, so I felt soft and like a cushion for the rest of my walk home. She was not a cutey or anything.. she was a real woman, and she was really gorgeous.