a new, difficult dilemma arose,
i am in dire need of resolving this increasing inner death,
it is not always a destructive mind that creates destruction,
sometimes it is the sum of a certain amount of circumstances,
that create destructive consequences,
that is not ones own doing,
i am in dire need of cultivating the innermost,
into a livable inner cosmic atmosphere,
it is indeed maddening, often outright disturbing,
i cling to some safety,
i'm no longer able to do what most people can,
yet i can do things none can,
as magically as it may sound, doesn't matter if none believe me,
i know for certain the wisdom of the sages,
the mystical perception, that is beyond rationality,
that non-rationality,
that is a result of,
dabbling in psyche-neuroticism,
an everyday psychenaut, in an advanced intensivity course,
in my own school of autodidactism,
i stay in shelter,
the energy is so transforming,
yet painful psychologically to bare,
but i cannot do other than make the best,
out of this never ending nightmare,
be positive when it is most needed,
become a talent for highly intelligent self-healing,
whenever needed,
i have to become a survivor,
in this sometimes messy ordeal
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