Grandfather.

My grandfather just died 08:00pm today.

He didn't suffer.

He just fell asleep forever in a peaceful slumber.

Energy Building Up, Vibrations Increasing, I am Lighted Up, High Volt Lamp, I Am A Beacon.

i've been sitting too much staring into the computer,

the energy building up again,

i am dizzy..

i can feel the vibrations increasing,

i can feel it at the extent of electricity,

we're talking high volt lamps,

i am lighted up like a beacon,

the anxiety could easily build up now,

and overwhelm me with dread,

resulting in intense suffering..

and purification..

i am a beacon,

powered by a whole 'lotta volts now,

i withdraw to do some measures,

to be able to sit down over the dinner-table..

Chamomile Tea And One Piece.

Ego-Death Vs. True Death.

the most honorable death is

to die in meditation

if this jedi-force allows me to do so

it is my free will to do so

it is better to die in meditation

if the opportunity bids itself

which it so rarely does

than live a life of

a so-called hyper-religious paranoid

in a more or less enlightened state

much more honorable

to just die with the help of this transcendence state

i dont need to prove anything

i certainly don't expect to ever be understood

in this life

and i might as well die in a complete state of

meditative self-absorbation

because this energy can absorb my very life

and possibly kill me if i decide to die

in complete stillness

the greatest

the most honorable death

Lukewarm Date.

lukewarm date

coincidence

boring sod date

might as well called my ex. for some friday night candy

better than that lukewarm date

Long Journey Traveler.

an old journey,

long journey traveler,

back in town,

on a short visit,

into the pulsating town-life,

he strays from one place to the other,

he is not of this world,

doesn't fit in,

with the others,

he's a traveler,

of the lonesome road,

to nowhere

Brooding Rage.

i feel sick

and

i am suffering

i am not satisfied

and i have this brooding rage

i just want to smash something

so that i can say

that was my doing

the day of my terrible rage

i hate this living

i am sick

and tired of this shit

just want to not exist

anymore

this process i go through

that i am told

i need to shut up about

and suppress

is penetrating my daily life

and i am screaming and sobbing through the day

like the screeching on stressed railroads

this day is just another traumatic day

in my life of endless nightmares

of

untold suffering